How we want to be included
As introverts, we can be a bit peculiar with the things we do and want in life. Just like anybody else, we enjoy going out with people, we enjoy being included in things, invited to stuff; but we don’t always want to be invited to everything! This is not a completely introvert thing though, sometimes people have a good enough reason not to want to go someplace or take part in something.
As introverts, it would be real nice to have people understand how we want to be included because there are some things that are universal with us. It isn’t because we want to be aloof and keep to ourselves in a bad way, but we want to be comfortable during every social engagement. We just want to be able to get the most out of our interactions with people rather than be uncomfortable and lose out on everything.
So here are five universal things to understand about how introverts want to be included in social engagements:
Do not take our declines personally: This is especially when it comes to big group activities. Aside from the obvious crowding and noise that introverts do not identify with, there is the element of small talk which is not particularly a favorite with introverts. So when we decline, it is nothing personal. It is because the environment isn’t comfortable for us. As you well know, as introverts we prefer being around fewer people and having deeper conversation which is almost impossible during large gatherings.
Some of the interactions can be real short and we are okay with that: You shouldn’t feel obligated to host us for a long time. As introverts, even a short meeting is significant. You really need not feel obligated to change up your whole schedule or take up a half of your day to spend with an introvert; a few hours (or even minutes) of it are actually good enough. We really are perfectly happy with that little interaction and catching up, it does not water down the value of our friendship in any way.
We might leave early if more people show up: This is most likely to happen especially when the extra people were not planned for/ rather if we were not aware of their coming by. It takes a bit too much effort for introverts to adjust to other people especially if they are not friends with the new arrivals. It stops being enjoyable for us and may even give us anxiety. So why not leave at the earliest opportunity? Sometimes we may stick around a little, but bottom line, we prefer to leave as soon as it gets uncomfortable. You shouldn’t take it personally should this happen at your house/ gathering.
We are not always going to be up to spontaneity: We don’t do so well in a random change of plan especially with social calendars. We find it really rude when people keep popping up random plans that are definitely different from the earlier agreed plan. Ideally, things come up from time to time and it is good to be open-minded; but we do not take it kindly when earlier plans are shelved because something ‘more fun’ has come up. It is not accommodative of our personalities. We always need time to prepare psychologically and a quick turnaround in a social situation is not part of our strengths. Granted, some situations are beyond us, e.g. sickness or urgent family engagements, and we accommodate that, but other social engagements are definitely harder to adjust to. Especially if you did not include us in the decision-making process for the change of plans and instead just sprang it on us.
Please be patient with us! Everyone has to work through their energy, and sometimes the turnaround time is longer. Introverts love to have downtime and may not always be available for social engagements. Friendships are always ebbing and flowing as we go through changes in our lives. We all have other people and obligations in our lives, and we have to find balance for all these aspects of our lives. We can always work around each other’s schedules.
So those are the ways that people need to understand how introverts want to be included. Do you identify with any of the suggestions given? Let me know!