How to Work on that Feeling of Not Being Enough
There are too many of us who believe that we are not enough. It could be from things we were told, what we heard in passing, society’s influence, or just things about us in general. It wouldn’t be right for me to talk about creating boundaries, being authentic, and bettering your life on the inside, if I didn’t talk about how to work on the foundation. Without feeling like you’re enough, or having a sense of self-worth, the rest of it doesn’t make a big difference.
Your self-worth is your biggest strength, and if there are holes all over it, then it’s harder to keep out of your mind what needs to be kept out. You want to be able to keep out others’ wants, needs, opinions, and prejudice out. It can be hard to create good boundaries without a positive self-worth to build upon.
I do believe in affirmations and inner work, but it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. A lot of this has been years in the making and reinforced in your mind. It is deep rooted! There are other factors that make it where you can’t just be happy or make things better right away. It could be your body image, something you didn’t do that you feel is holding you back, something you did at work that haunts you, or awful things an ex said in the past. Things just affect you!
Here is a good and helpful technique that I learned from a friend’s psychologist:
First step is to stop saying or thinking negative thoughts about yourself, such as thinking you’re ugly. Divert it in any way you can. Say “I’m not ugly,” or whatever negative adjective you keep telling yourself you are. Stop with any general negative thoughts and things in your life.
Second, add in a neutral statement. Focusing on being average gives you a good neutral point. Some statements you can replace with something average, such as “I know how to save money.” Or, “kids don’t cry looking at me, so I must not be that ugly.”
Next, learn that progress is better than perfection. If you are constantly learning, then you’re making progress. You don’t need to worry about making everything happen at once. Make progress and focus on taking one step at a time because life is a marathon.
Also, remember that who you are and what you do in life has nothing to do with other people. It doesn’t change them in any way. Your being nicer, smarter, or cleaner, will not change the other person. No one will love you more or spend more time with you, or stop harassing you, just because you change something about yourself. They are living their own lives and are responsible for themselves. You can’t control that. Affirmations can help with this though, such as “Not my circus, not my monkeys” or more positive ones.
Finally, know that your inner voice can be a big fat liar. It’s simply making commentary, reminding you of things that happened in the past. The brain is a strange organ and doesn’t always work perfectly. It’s easily manipulated and changes all the time. Your inner voice is connected to other people or things you’ve heard or grown up with. It is part of you, as well as your personality and beliefs. The lies it tells can be based off of facts or nothing at all.
This topic got a little bit heavy, but it’s something that has been on my mind for a while and I wanted to make sure I was giving you tips you needed for your own inner work. I’m bettering my life and also want to share what I learn with you. Make your own peace in the world so you can be comfortable and happy. You deserve better self-worth in your life and to build better lives for yourself and the people who are around you on a regular basis. When you are in a better mental and physical space, it reverberates out into the world and makes things better with our family, friends, pets, and work.