Ways Introverts Can Flirt
So I have been working on getting back out there into the dating world and all after everything that I’ve been through and being single for quite a while. I chose to take time out because I definitely wanted to take some time to work on myself inside and outside. I wanted to make sure that I was in a good position to actually be a good partner again after the shitshow that was my previous relationship.
Are you also trying to get back out there? How is your experience? I am kind of having an interesting time. I am going through different scenarios and talking with people even if it’s talking online. I have no freaking idea how to flirt, honestly I am just awful at it and it's pretty comical! Looking back at my first and only relationship, I feel like I might do a little bit better if I can do more in-person stuff with flirting. So I had to go look around. I had to get some books and do some digging around.
I only dated one person my life. I dated him, married him and divorced him. So I wanted to make sure that you guys get the right idea on what to do especially because I am pretty sure there’s a lot more of us trying to figure out what works for us because as an introvert it is a very different game. I don’t mean game to mean a sport as I hate the idea that we are all just doing stupid things for which its prize is sex with somebody. I mean a game as in there's so many different players with so many different rules and stuff like that. So I wanted to give you guys some better ideas of how we can flirt better and make our intentions known. I also wanted to find out how to actually be more authentic while at it because we struggle with the problem of trying to flirt against our own personality which obviously makes it harder for us.
I got a book by Dr. Jeffrey Hall that describes for us the five flirting styles. I found them to be pretty good ideas in a deferred general idea, but everything can fall into one or the other and be very helpful.
Playful and this is just basically flirting for fun without having any expectations. It is more of lighthearted flirting.
Physical where you flirt using your body language e.g by touching a person. I could say by actual physical contact or how your body is turned towards the person.
Polite. This entails having more proper manners and maintaining non-sexual communication. That means being polite and asking certain questions that make the other person feel like you genuinely want to know about them.
Sincere: This is where you’re genuinely interested in what they are talking about because you want to develop an emotional connection. Here you are more engaged with what they do and you're trying to figure out some things that you connect with; things that are similar for both of you guys. You also listen to note your different opinions and stuff like that.
Traditional. This is just following the same (old school) courtship rules of ‘Who asked who out first’, ‘Who pays for things’, etc. For example, I really like the idea of someone getting the door for me.
However, we all appreciate that, as introverts, we cannot be comfortable taking part in some of the described ways of flirting, especially if in clubs or bars or generally loud public spaces. We are more inclined towards more meaningful meetings and relationships, not the casual engagements that most of the above flirting styles lean towards. Dr Hall says most introverts relate to the ‘Sincere’ or ‘Polite’ styles. I know I can’t be the centre of attention at a party, I barely go to parties! I can’t be loud or boisterous. I definitely am not touchy feely. But I also know that I like asking people questions. I love hearing stories from people. I love feeling that they are interested in me as well. We exchange stories. We see that we have connections with different ideas in our family and our beliefs. You listen for what is similar or different about you both, the ideas, beliefs, etc.